Paradise Lost and Found
by 00Lita00
Summary: Pieces of Spring Awakening, but mainly takes place after. Olivia and Amanda have a great life together which becomes even better after Noah, until someone from the past comes back to wreck havoc on their lives. Yes, I do suck at summaries & titles but always hope the stories come out better. Enjoy :) **I do not own Law & Order:SVU or it's characters. Only the ones I created**
1. Chapter 1

Amanda was the first one to arrive at the precinct. It was quiet and empty just the way she liked it. It made things a lot easier for her to finish up on leftover paperwork. It wasn't long before she heard footsteps. Not able to hide the small smile on her face she got up making her way over to the coffee pot to pour some coffee for the sergeant. It was their little secret so the half hour they were there alone in the mornings helped them get through the day without any suspicions.

Handing Olivia her cup she asked if there was any news on Amaro. She wasn't surprised with the answer she received as it was what she expected. Munch posted his bail, but work and charges were still not decided. Amanda started thinking of ways to fix it immediately before she was snapped from her thoughts by a warning to leave it alone. She agreed to the request only to keep peace, but there was no way she'd let it go. Leaning over to give Amanda a kiss Olivia got up to head to her office.

An hour later the two took off to visit Nick and see how he was holding up. Both knew that not being able to work had to be eating at him. They made small talk and tried to keep his mind off the current situation. Although it wasn't very successful. Halfway through their visit, Amanda had to take off for a meeting.

"Sorry, I have a meeting to go to. Good luck with everything. If you need me call." She said making her way out the door.

Amanda had a plan of her own in motion. She was headed to the studio to talk to Mrs. Wilkes, the wife of the man who caused Amaro this entire ordeal. Somehow she would fix it, the blackmail she had was perfect. Walking in she waited patiently for a small break in whatever was going on before approaching the woman who could fix things for her colleague.

"I want you to leave right now." Mrs. Wilkes stated when she saw the detective standing there.

"Not until you hear what I have to say about your husband's activities last night." She snapped back.

Ushering everyone out of the room, she regained her posture focusing her attention on the blonde detective while calling her partner crazy.

"My partner has to go through anger management while your husband goes free. Gets to keep his perverted fantasies… He gets to keep everything including his torture chamber! Is that really what you signed on for when you married him?!"

"Marriage is complicated, there are compromises…" She tried to explain but Amanda was having none of it.

"Yeah, there are. I went into your husband's chat room last night." Amanda spoke while also reciting his responses she had received before continuing on. "He wants me to send him photos of boys. The second I do, the second he downloads them his ass goes down for possession of kiddie torture porn. And you and I both know he's going to download."

"You're here to blackmail me?!"

"Whatever it takes. You're in denial. Your husband needs help! And he needs to do something else. Simon tells IAB he swung first. And my partner had to fight back in self defense. If he doesn't do that I will make sure his ass is in jail by the end of today! And he WILL die there." She growled trying to get her point across before storming out not waiting for another word.

Arriving back at the precinct Amanda was fuming. Nothing she tried was able to calm her anger or resentment she felt towards the woman married to the man causing her colleague so much trouble. How could someone love anyone with that type of demeanor or lifestyle? It was something she couldn't wrap her head around. Eventually she started feeling a little dizzy from walking circles. She decided to sit down at her desk to finish paperwork. It was going rather quickly with the current mind frame.

Fin knew something was off with his partner right away when she denied going to lunch with him. The only times she turned down a free meal was when she was angry or upset. He attempted to play twenty questions with her until he gave up after being yelled at for the fourth time. He sent a text to Olivia on his way out letting her know something was up with Amanda.

Amaro was sitting with his representative waiting on a meeting with IAB. Neither knew what was going on. The man from IAB explained how Simon Wilkes came in dropping charges and admitting to throwing the first punch leaving Amaro off the hook. As for his job at SVU, it was to be decided by the DA. This was shocking news, he never expected the man to step forward and take blame for the entire situation nor did he realize a blonde detective used blackmail to do it.

"Rollins! My office now!" Olivia barked as she walked by. Her tone had Amanda a little bit worried but she followed behind. "Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to get on to Fin like that. It's just been a stressful week and a bad day. I swear that's all."

"Okay. But try to keep things in check? Please?" She asked and was satisfied with Amanda's nod.

"I promise you will know it all tomorrow afternoon. I think you'll be a little more understanding when I come clean." Amanda smiled before giving Olivia a very passionate kiss.

Giving her detective a warning look she started to ask another question. Amanda reassured her it was nothing to do with gambling.

Taking one last look at the brunette she walked back to her desk. Pulling out the folder from her drawer she read over it one last time. This would be the perfect present for their one year anniversary if everything went according to plan. Only time and her appointment the next day would tell. Throwing it back in the drawer she looked up to find Nick walking into the squad room. He had a smile so it seemed as everything went as planned.

Listening to him talk about the confession and how he could get his job back made Amanda proud of herself. She made a lot of mistakes since joining it was nice to be able to save a member of her team like they did for her with her gambling.

Now she just hoped she could make Olivia just as happy with their own good news. Knowing how much her girlfriend wanted to be a mother, she wanted to do everything to make it happen.

Around 5 that evening Amanda decided to call it a day and head home. Running on almost nothing the only thing she wanted to do was curl up in bed. Just as she was walking out the door she was stopped with a hand on her shoulder. Turning around her eyes met chocolate brown.

"Manda, are you sure you're doing okay? You've been a little off these last few days." Olivia pried with concern lacing her voice.

"I promise things are fine. Trust me on this okay?" Amanda begged

"Alright. I just have a few things to finish up and I'll meet you at home."

Amanda got home and started dinner for when Olivia arrived. Unfortunately, it didn't work out as nothing she opened seemed to have a good smell. So they would have to settle for take-out.

"Honey, I'm home." Olivia joked as she let herself in, but Amanda was nowhere to be found. Wandering into the bedroom she found the blonde passed out on the bed. Worry started to settle in her with all this strange behavior. It all seemed familiar, but she was too exhausted to figure it out. Putting the food away she changed and crawled into bed hoping tomorrow would be better.

Awakening to the noises in the kitchen, Olivia rolled out of bed to check it out. Today was Amanda's day off, why was she up so early? Glancing at the door frame to the bedroom, Amanda walked over and gave her girlfriend a good morning kiss. Then explained how she had an appointment, nothing serious, but she had to do it and after it was over she could tell her everything.

"I love you and will see you in an hour or two." Amanda said as she continued to pick up what she needed.

"Text me first as I do have that court appearance for baby Noah today." Olivia reminded her. Saying their good byes they both went their separate ways.

Amanda's appointment went extremely well. The doctor told her all was well. It seemed she was indeed pregnant. She was overjoyed. Amanda couldn't wait to share the news with the one person who meant the world to her. Leaving the office she sent a quick text saying she'd see Olivia at the precinct in an hour as she had to pick some things up.

Olivia's heart was breaking listening to the judge talk. It seemed no one wanted baby Noah and he would be put back in the system. Her head snapped up from reading Amanda's text when the judge said her name. She then offered Olivia the option to be the baby's foster mom with the chance to adopt if she wanted to. She was in shock. The thought of being a parent seemed a distant memory for her. This baby needed someone so, she made the decision to talk Amanda into it and bring him home with them. Taking the paperwork from the judge she made her way to the precinct to wait for Amanda in hopes that she would feel the same way.

Upon arriving at the precinct Olivia saw Amanda nervously pacing at the top of the steps. Not sure on what was going she became concerned.

"Amanda, what's wrong?"

"Nothing really. Just not sure how you're gonna react when I show you this." Amanda replied handing over the manila envelope.

Opening it slowly, Olivia pulled out the papers. They were results from a doctor's office. It wasn't something easy to be decoded. But when she opened the smaller envelope she saw the ultrasound pictures. It finally hit her why Amanda had been so different the last week. Words would not form though. Looking up Olivia saw tears in her girlfriend's eyes.

"I'm sorry Liv, I thought it would be a great anniversary present for you. It was something you always wanted."

"No, it's amazing. I can't believe you did this for me, I mean us. I just wasn't expecting it. Please don't apologize." Olivia soothed wrapping Amanda up in her arms.

Noticing the papers in Olivia had set down she looked at her with a face full of question. Deciding it was now or never, she decided to tell Amanda what had been discussed at the hearing. After explaining everything and how she was offered to take Noah, Olivia waited for an answer.

"It's wonderful they are allowing you to do that. He would be well taken care of that's for sure." Thinking for a bit she continued on. "Do you want me to get rid of the one I'm having for us to make it easier?" Amanda asked softly

"What? No. I would never ask that of you. If it's okay with you we can do both. It won't be easy, but we'll manage. I promise."

"Let's go get Noah then." Amanda agreed taking Olivia's hand in her own

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**Probably not the best first chapter but I hope you like it so far.  
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	2. Chapter 2

_**So sorry for the delayed update. Movers and internet took awhile to set back up. Regular updates from now on though :) **_

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It wasn't that long of a drive to the adoption agency with it being midday and not much traffic. Walking up the steps of the building, Amanda could tell Olivia was starting to get nervous. She reassured her all would be fine. The judge's order along with the stability she would provide for the baby, what could go wrong? Once Olivia got her emotions in check again they finally entered hoping they would leave with little Noah.

Nerves were getting the best of both women as they watched the lady behind the desk read over the paperwork. When she stamped the paper with approval the weight seemed to be lifted. It wasn't long before she came back with the baby and what little bit of stuff he had. Thanking the woman as Olivia took Noah from her they headed out of the building. There was only one thing left to do before they could get along with their lives, which was telling the squad room about everything.

Handing Noah over to Amanda as they got to the precinct doors, Olivia told her to hang back a minute until she grouped everyone in her office. There would be less fuss and questions that way. Motioning for the men to follow her she headed straight for her desk. Not long after she gave a small lecture telling them to stay quiet until she was done explaining, Amanda walked in with the baby. All eyes turned to the blonde unsure of what to think.

"Guys, this is Noah. Get used to him because he will be around for a very long time." Olivia said pulling out the adoption papers.

"Wait… Why is Amanda's name on there too? Are you sharing custody or something?" A confused Fin asked completely forgetting the entire five minutes prior to Amanda's arrival.

"Well, if you'd let me finish you'd know why. Amanda and I have been together for a year. We are very much in love and decided to start a family. Noah is one surprise we weren't planning on but we are happy to have him."

"Congratulations Liv! You too Amanda. I'm happy for you guys." Nick said standing up to give his partner a hug.

Satisfied with the responses they gave she sent them all back to work. She kept Amanda back wanting to know when she would be ready to tell the squad their biggest news. Still trying to wrap her head around the day's events she couldn't give an answer to Olivia. Silently agreeing to wait until her girlfriend was ready she sent Amanda home with Noah.

Walking in the door Amanda dropped the bags from the store happy that at least one of her arms would get a break. She made a bottle then took the baby into the other room to put him down for a nap, which she hoped to take with him. It felt good to lie down, she was so exhausted even though very little was done that day. Unfortunately her nap was cut short when her phone started buzzing. Thinking it was Olivia she didn't even bother looking before answering. Nothing was said, just breathing.

"Hello?... Look, if you're not gonna say anything don't waste my time!" She snapped.

"Detective Rollins, right?" The voice asked before continuing. "You don't know me, but I've been watching you and that sergeant of yours. You two are good together, but things are about to change. After what you did to my brother, you better watch yourselves."

Before Amanda could respond, the line went dead. Fear was one thing that was never a part of her life after she moved out from her parent's home. But now, her fearlessness was starting to crack. Who was this guy? And what was his issue with them? These questions not able to be answered made her even more nervous. A high pitched scream startled her out of her thoughts. For a few minutes she was so caught up in that call she completely forgot about little Noah. Picking him up to try and soothe him, she prayed her girlfriend would get home soon. There wasn't much more she could handle especially when the urge to go to a casino crossed her mind. If it wasn't for the baby she probably would have.

It was after six when Amanda really started to worry about Olivia. She was supposed to be home by 5:30 or call if it was going to be a late night. With earlier events, Amanda wondered if maybe the person who called succeeded in grabbing her. Right as she reached for her phone, the door opened and in walked Olivia.

"Sorry I'm late, traffic was a nightmare tonight." She apologized.

"Its fine, I was about to call you to see what was going on. I know being in charge means more work for you, just with the call I got earlier I thought maybe something happened."

"What call?" Olivia questioned with a voice full of concern.

"Some guy called saying that what I did to his brother we would pay for. Also, that he'd been watching us." Amanda replied nervously.

A frown appeared onto Olivia's face as she tried to remember any recent cases that this could be related to. Since nothing came to mind, the thoughts were pushed away deciding it was a scare tactic. Besides, she wanted to spend the evening with her family. It made her happy to see Amanda and Noah getting along so well. Overall, he seemed to be a low key, happy baby which made bedtime really easy.

Now that she was sitting on the couch with just her and Amanda she noticed the worry lines etched all over her face. Something was definitely eating away at the blonde, but she wasn't talking. Nothing Olivia said seemed to even register. Concern started taking over from not knowing where Amanda's mind frame was.

"Manda, please talk to me. I'm worried about you." Olivia whispered pulling Amanda closer to her.

Resting her head on Olivia's shoulder she gave her typical answer of 'I'm fine.' At that point in time she didn't care if the brunette bought it or not. After about five minutes she got restless yet again.

"I'm going for a walk." Amanda mumbled before getting up and heading for the door. "I'll be back soon, then will be heading to bed."

Watching the door close, Olivia let out a long sigh. This was going to be a very difficult night for the both of them. She got up to start cleaning the kitchen with millions of thoughts racing through her mind. What would this do to them? Whatever it was it was taking its toll on Amanda. Glancing out the window Olivia saw the silhouette of her girlfriend across the street leaning on the railing looking into the night. Not knowing what else she could do, she just gave up going to bed herself. Tomorrow would be a new day with a hopefully better outlook.

Sneaking back into the house over an hour later, Amanda did her best to be quiet as not to wake Noah or Olivia. Lucky for her she was able to shower, change and move to the living room with no one waking. Sleep was not an option. The last thing she wanted to do was keep Olivia up. Her night resulted in tossing and turning, then eventually just got up to make breakfast for everyone. She was so exhausted she knew the day would just drag on.

Olivia awoke to the smell of bacon, eggs and coffee. Looking over at the clock, it read 6:15am. A small groan escaped her as she rose from the bed knowing the conversation her and Amanda needed to have was probably not going to end well. Slowly making her way to the kitchen, she couldn't help but notice the dark rings around Amanda's eyes which told of a miserable night.

"Manda, why didn't you come to bed last night?" Olivia softly spoke.

"I didn't wanna wake you. It was for the best since I didn't sleep. I was restless and would've kept you from sleeping." She muttered while pouring their coffee.

"Look, I don't want to pry. I just want to know what's going on. I get the feeling there's more to that call then you are telling me."

"Liv, awhile ago, before I came to New York, I put someone away. He was one of the worst fugitives out there. His brother wasn't much better. When I got transferred after that incident in Georgia, I was relieved. Everything got changed and I figured there would be no way he could get to me. I was wrong. I will handle this myself though. You have enough on your plate right now without adding this." Amanda responded looking at the counter to avoid eye contact with Olivia.

"We're in this together. We're family and this is not going to ruin you or us. I won't let it." Olivia reassured her.

Turning around, Amanda took comfort in Olivia's embrace. For a few minutes everything seemed normal that things would be okay. Once she started to relax a bit, they broke apart. Amanda saw the look of worry etched all over her girlfriend's face. Not able to think of anything to say, she grabbed the plates so they could eat breakfast before waking the baby. Although for Amanda, her food would end up in the trash as she sprinted for the bathroom.

Standing in the hallway outside the door, Olivia wondered how this would all work out. More stress was one thing neither of them need right now especially Amanda. She decided that the first thing she would do is get the team to start tracking this man down. When he was out of the way, Olivia knew they both would be able to calm down. Of course they were still stuck between a rock and a hard place. Neither had the day off and there was no sitter lined up. The long day they thought they had, became longer since there was no choice other than taking Noah with them.

"What are you thinking about?" Amanda asked startling her.

"Oh, nothing. I was just trying to figure out where to put Noah at the precinct considering a baby sitter or nanny hadn't been figured out yet."

"Okay. Let me change and clean up a bit so we can head in." Amanda smiled giving Olivia a quick kiss as she passed her.

Olivia asked three more times on the way to the precinct if Amanda was sure she was well enough to go in. Each response was exactly the same. They were more alike than Olivia ever thought. Both had to have something to work on or do when things were bad. Upon entering the squad room, they saw a small box on Amanda's desk with a note attached.

Amanda opened the note to read what it said before opening the package. It was a fancy print which read: **Rollins, here's a little gift for you and your new family.** Not sure who it was from, she hesitated with the package. Olivia stood a few feet behind her with Noah watching not knowing what she should do. Amanda carefully unwrapped the contents in the box which consisted of a pacifier, some formula, a bottle and a picture. Staring at the photo everything came rushing back to her about the night that practically ruined her life. Bolting towards the exit while the glass shattered on the floor, she left a very confused Olivia standing behind her desk. Having no idea what just happened, she debated on following the blonde.

Fin walked in seeing the distraught look on his sergeant's face, the baby asleep on her shoulder and the glass on the floor. Before he could even ask she handed him the baby to follow Amanda's trail.


End file.
